Down

Honestly, I'm rather depressed. The two people who lead me into Islam... are out. One who was a thinking person, who went through the circuit of other religions, and chose Islam, and was so so strong that we argued... now calls Islam a hypothesis. The odd thing is that what I used to question in doubt and has solved, it has reemerged from this person who answered me so confidently not too many years ago. Another told me to not judge Islam by the Muslims... but the very same advice wasn't taken by the speaker. I feel that... we will be tested by the very things we say. There's an irony.

So, understandably, feeling a low. Was planning to go to Al-Khaadem for terawih today, but not feeling like it now... that a quiet study is what I want at the moment.  Am not leaving the faith. I know from my own experience that He is true, from that very first feeling, how I could stay truer to myself, and from how smart I found the verses. Or times when I'm in turmoil and I opened up the Quran to have it speak to my issue personally. Like after this:

[39:6-8]

He created you (all) from a single person: then created, of like nature, his mate; and he sent down for you eight head of cattle in pairs: He makes you, in the wombs of your mothers, in stages, one after another, in three veils of darkness. such is Allah, your Lord and Cherisher: to Him belongs (all) dominion. There is no god but He: then how are ye turned away (from your true Centre)?  

If ye reject (Allah), Truly Allah hath no need of you; but He liketh not ingratitude from His servants: if ye are grateful, He is pleased with you. No bearer of burdens can bear the burden of another. In the end, to your Lord is your Return, when He will tell you the truth of all that ye did (in this life). for He knoweth well all that is in (men's) hearts.  

When some trouble toucheth man, he crieth unto his Lord, turning to Him in repentance: but when He bestoweth a favour upon him as from Himself, (man) doth forget what he cried and prayed for before, and he doth set up rivals unto Allah, thus misleading others from Allah's Path. Say, "Enjoy thy blasphemy for a little while: verily thou art (one) of the Companions of the Fire!"

Sigh. Our journey is still ongoing. We do not know our ends.